Its rare that I feel like I really relate to old testament bible characters and probably even more rare that I run to those stories to glean hope for my life. But the past week, a song by Sara Groves has replayed over and over in my mind because it speaks so well to where I’m at in my own life. It’s a song describing the heart of the Israelites when they had left Egypt and were in the middle of wandering around the desert searching for the Promised Land. If I had been one of them I’m sure I would have been apart of the grumbling and desperate people looking back at Egypt, ignoring the reasons why they had left, and instead pleading to go back to that place of comfort and familiarity.
This weekend our family got together to say goodbye to each other and to the only home we have ever known. A place that is so apart of me that it is impossible for another person to really know me unless they are able to grasp where it is that I’ve come from. And in this time of closing a chapter to allow us to walk into the next, I could sense the doubting Israelite coming out in me. How I long for days past! My heart aches to relive certain moments and go back to a time when life was without disruption and change. God has clearly called my family out of our own Egypt; and if I’m being really honest, I have to tell you… wandering in the wilderness is no fun. It has been a season of loss, confusion, grief, anger, and many tears. I don’t get what God is doing on most days. I’ve done my fair share of pleading to go back to the way things were. But the incredible thing about being a child of God and signing up to follow Him wherever He leads is that He doesn’t bring us through the wilderness so we can have a good time, He does it to make us holy. And I’m finding that His process of refining us ( not usually what I would have had in mind ) is what leads to His ultimate glory and my indescribable joy. I love this quote from Frederick Buechner that says “To be commanded to love God at all let alone in the wilderness, is like being commanded to be well when we are sick, to sing for joy when we are dying of thirst, to run when our legs are broken. But this is the first and great commandment nonetheless. Even in the wilderness-especially in the wilderness-you shall love Him.”
My future, like the words in this song, can at times seem hard and is still filled with many unknowns for the Hendley family. But I know that there is incredible hope in trusting that the God who led us out of one place and into the wilderness is the same God who will take us into our Promised Land for His glory and our good. What incredible things He has taught us during our time of wandering and I, for one, can’t wait to see what He’s going to do as we cease looking back and instead strain ahead and “Press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”
I don’t want to leave here I don’t want to stay It feels like pinching to me either way The places I long for the most Are the places where I’ve been They are calling after me like a long lost friend
This weekend our family got together to say goodbye to each other and to the only home we have ever known. A place that is so apart of me that it is impossible for another person to really know me unless they are able to grasp where it is that I’ve come from. And in this time of closing a chapter to allow us to walk into the next, I could sense the doubting Israelite coming out in me. How I long for days past! My heart aches to relive certain moments and go back to a time when life was without disruption and change. God has clearly called my family out of our own Egypt; and if I’m being really honest, I have to tell you… wandering in the wilderness is no fun. It has been a season of loss, confusion, grief, anger, and many tears. I don’t get what God is doing on most days. I’ve done my fair share of pleading to go back to the way things were. But the incredible thing about being a child of God and signing up to follow Him wherever He leads is that He doesn’t bring us through the wilderness so we can have a good time, He does it to make us holy. And I’m finding that His process of refining us ( not usually what I would have had in mind ) is what leads to His ultimate glory and my indescribable joy. I love this quote from Frederick Buechner that says “To be commanded to love God at all let alone in the wilderness, is like being commanded to be well when we are sick, to sing for joy when we are dying of thirst, to run when our legs are broken. But this is the first and great commandment nonetheless. Even in the wilderness-especially in the wilderness-you shall love Him.”
My future, like the words in this song, can at times seem hard and is still filled with many unknowns for the Hendley family. But I know that there is incredible hope in trusting that the God who led us out of one place and into the wilderness is the same God who will take us into our Promised Land for His glory and our good. What incredible things He has taught us during our time of wandering and I, for one, can’t wait to see what He’s going to do as we cease looking back and instead strain ahead and “Press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”
I don’t want to leave here I don’t want to stay It feels like pinching to me either way The places I long for the most Are the places where I’ve been They are calling after me like a long lost friend
It’s not about losing faith It’s not about trust It’s all about comfortable When you move so much The place I was wasn’t perfect But I had found a way to live It wasn’t milk or honey But then neither is this
I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt Leaving out what it lacked The future seems so hard And I want to go back But the places that used to fit me Cannot hold the things I"ve learned And those roads closed off to me While my back was turned
The past is so tangible I know it by heart Familiar things are never easy to discard I was dying for some freedom But now I hesitate to go Caught between the promise And the things I know
If it comes too quick I may not recognize it Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?If it comes too quick I may not appreciate it Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
